Breaking up with someone you love or once loved is a painful thing. A portion of your past will always belong to that person and every time you remember, you wonder why it had to happen to you.
TO BE FRIENDS OR NOT?
This decision is entirely up to you. You two have shared more than a few things together. You have to decide if they are worth it. If you can’t be friends with you ex without feeling jealous when they move on with their lives, you should make a clean break of it. If you have children, a business or work together, you two might need to maintain your friendship or a semblance of it in order to keep things going. It is advisable to take a break for a while. Acknowledge your time together but accept that it is time to let go of the love and focus on your life and the things you share, children for instance.
If you decide to make a clean break, here are some tips:
Make it clear that you don’t want to continue any form of relationship with them:
Sometimes, we find ourselves having to deal with a clingy ex and we start to sway, wondering if we are not making a mistake breaking things off. You should know that there was a reason you broke it off in the first place and that reason will probably occur again and again. It is hard to let go of someone who you have shared so much with and invested so much in. But sometimes, it is better to cut off strings and do what is best for you. It is much easier to heal when you acknowledge the fact that the two of you were not right for each other. Explain to him/her why you are making this decision and how it is going to benefit you both. Be firm and ensure that you include no ambiguous words. You should both agree to move on.
A clingy ex will always want to prove that he/she knows far more about you than others do. They will try to talk about that mole on your back, how you love to eat your watermelon. Don’t fall for it. It is an attempt by them to sway you. He/she is trying to convince you that you will never find anyone who will know and understand you like they did. Ask yourself; if they understood you so well, why didn’t it work out? You will find someone with all the qualities you want and who will also understand you more than they did if you are patient.
Don’t let them talk about your new relationship and you should not talk of theirs:
Reject all attempts by your ex to talk about your new relationship. Chances are they will tell you something terrible and plant doubt in your mind about the new suitor. Try not to give them advice on their new relationship either. If you think there is anything they need to know about the new girl/guy, convey it through a friend. This is because if the new relationship hits the rocks, you will be held responsible and it could be interpreted as you still having feelings for them.
Don’t seek comfort in their arms and don’t let them seek comfort in yours:
You have always looked your ex as a sounding board for your problems. They gave you assistance on your issues so it is perfectly natural for you to want to go seek comfort in their arms and tell them about your boss issues, financial problems. Don’t. For an already clingy ex, you are only encouraging them and giving them a sense of importance. You are also being the clingy ex you are trying to get rid of.
Mind your manners:
You might be tempted to leave a bad comment on his Facebook post. Don’t. Not even once. There will be no online or offline bashing. Don’t bad mouth them in front of anyone even as revenge. Be civil to him especially if he is not. It is natural to be bitter but don’t let the bitterness overwhelm you. Show him you have forgiven and forgotten him or at least pretend. If the urge to scream gets too hard to ignore, go to your room, lock the doors and let it out. Then go back outside and smile to the world. It shows confidence.
Don’t compare yourself to their new partner:
No, you aren’t better than their new girlfriend/boyfriend. You are just soothing your wounded ego. Chances are, the new girl have something you don’t, something he values. She might be frumpy, boring but he chose her over you, live with it, accept it and move on. You will find someone who will appreciate all that you have and will treat you with care. That won’t happen if you keep wondering why he refused you. Move on. Don’t blame the new girl for your breakup either. If He cheated on you with her, it is because he wanted to, not because he was forced. To you, she might be a snake and we all hate girls like that, but let’s face it, if your love wasn’t enough to keep him in line, nothing ever will. Don’t blame others or yourself. Find someone deserving.
You should realise that your happiness depends on you and other sources are just bonuses. You should concentrate on making yourself happy by yourself. Don’t rely on any guy to keep you happy. Do things for yourself. Enjoy your single state. Hit the beach, exercise, and look good. Let potential suitors know that you don’t need them to be happy. They will work harder to be your man that way. I mean, who doesn’t like a happy soul?
Source: RADAR NG
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